What this relationship self-sabotage quiz measures
This am I self-sabotaging my relationship quiz estimates how often habits that undermine closeness show up in your bond. Twenty-four original frequency items group into four domains drawn from relationship self-sabotage research: withdrawal, jealousy tests, conflict escalation, and reassurance chasing. Your relationship self-sabotage index averages these patterns into a 0 to 100 score with plain-language bands. It reflects your self-report about your habits, not your partner's hidden intentions.
Withdrawal
Going quiet, canceling closeness, stonewalling, and pulling back after affection.
Jealousy tests
Loyalty tests, phone checks, trick questions, and stirring drama when things feel stable.
Conflict escalation
Raising volume, walking out, refusing repair, and threatening breakup during fights.
Reassurance chasing
Repeated proof-seeking, reading neutral delays as rejection, and pushing for labels early.
How it works
Three steps from first question to your self-sabotage report. Click Start Quiz to open the interactive quiz in a full-screen modal.
Answer 24 frequency items
Rate how often each sabotage pattern shows up in your current or recent relationship, from Never to Almost always. You click Next after each answer; nothing auto-advances.
Items map to four sabotage domains
Your answers accumulate percentages for withdrawal, jealousy tests, conflict escalation, and reassurance chasing, plus an overall relationship self-sabotage index.
View band and domain bars
Results show Lower, Mixed, or Higher Self-Sabotage Patterns with domain bars and reflection prompts. Higher bands include crisis resources.
Take the relationship self-sabotage quiz
Rate 24 statements about habits that can undermine closeness in relationships. Your answers produce a relationship self-sabotage index from 0 to 100, four domain scores, and a band label for reflection or therapy conversation.
Opens in a focused modal. No account required. Results stay on screen.
What your result means
Your relationship self-sabotage index is the normalized total across all 24 items on a 0 to 100 scale, with reverse scoring on protective items so higher scores mean more sabotage overall. Domain bars show endorsement rates so you can see whether withdrawal, jealousy tests, heated conflict, or reassurance chasing drives your result most.
| Band | Index range | Typical reading |
|---|---|---|
| Lower Self-Sabotage Patterns | 0 to 35 | Fewer closeness-undermining habits on this screener; normal stress reactions may still appear |
| Mixed Self-Sabotage Patterns | 36 to 65 | Blend of connection desire and protective distance; worth tracking if persistent |
| Higher Self-Sabotage Patterns | 66 to 100 | Frequent withdrawal, testing, escalation, or reassurance loops; professional support may help |
What your self-sabotage report looks like
After all 24 items, you get a relationship self-sabotage index from 0 to 100, a band label, and four domain bars for withdrawal, jealousy tests, conflict escalation, and reassurance chasing. Percentages reflect habits that can block closeness, not a clinical verdict about whether you should stay or leave.
What this quiz can and cannot tell you
Can tell you
- How often self-sabotage patterns showed up for you in relationships
- A relationship self-sabotage index and four domain bars for withdrawal, tests, conflict, and reassurance
- Which domain pattern feels strongest in your current closeness habits
- A starting point for therapy conversation or retaking after a repair attempt
Cannot tell you
- Whether you have an attachment disorder, personality disorder, or any clinical diagnosis
- Whether your partner is safe or unsafe without your own judgment and support
- Whether you should break up or stay without honest dialogue and mutual effort
- What treatment you need without a licensed clinician's evaluation
Peel research, Gottman stonewalling, and sabotage loops
Psychologist Raquel Peel and colleagues published research on why people self-sabotage romantic relationships, identifying withdrawal, defensiveness, and trust erosion as recurring themes. John Gottman's work on the Four Horsemen names stonewalling and contempt as predictors of relationship distress, while attachment researchers note that proof-seeking and jealousy tests can signal anxious protection rather than malice. Relationship self-sabotage in everyday language often maps to those patterns: going cold after bonding, testing loyalty, escalating arguments, and chasing reassurance in tight loops.
The Quiz Hub built this am I self-sabotaging my relationship quiz as an original self-report screener inspired by that research, not a reproduction of any single published instrument. Readers often compare it to sibling tools on this site. Our relationship anxiety quiz screens worry and reassurance seeking with an anxiety frame. The fear of intimacy quiz measures vulnerability avoidance and trust hesitation, not active testing or breakup threats. The attachment style test maps anxiety and avoidance quadrants rather than sabotage frequency alone.
| The Quiz Hub test | What it adds |
|---|---|
| Relationship anxiety quiz | Worry and reassurance scan index, not withdrawal or loyalty-test frequency |
| Fear of intimacy quiz | Vulnerability pull-back and disclosure limits, not jealousy tests or breakup threats |
| Attachment style test | Anxiety and avoidance quadrants, not sabotage behavior frequency |
| Relationship test | Six partnership health domains, not self-undermining habit loops |
| Codependency level test | Caretaking overload and boundary blur, not stonewalling or loyalty tests |
| This self-sabotage quiz | Four-domain relationship self-sabotage index for withdrawal, tests, conflict, and reassurance |
Sample item types include frequency ratings such as whether you go quiet for days after feeling hurt, or whether you ask trick questions to see if your partner will say the wrong thing. High withdrawal with high jealousy tests often lands in Mixed or Higher Self-Sabotage Patterns. Past betrayal, family models of hot-and-cold love, and new relationship nerves can spike scores temporarily. Read how we review quizzes in our editorial policy or browse more tools on our relationships and dating hub.
Relationship self-sabotage quiz FAQ
What is relationship self-sabotage?
Relationship self-sabotage refers to habits that undermine closeness even when you want the partnership: emotional withdrawal, loyalty tests, heated escalation, or repeated reassurance chasing. Psychologist Raquel Peel and colleagues studied these patterns in adult romantic bonds. This quiz measures how often those behaviors show up in your current or recent relationship. It is not a clinical diagnosis.
What does this self-sabotage quiz measure?
Twenty-four original frequency items ask how often you withdraw, test jealousy, escalate conflict, or chase reassurance in your current or recent relationship. Scores map to four domains inspired by relationship self-sabotage research. You receive a relationship self-sabotage index from 0 to 100 and a band from Lower through Higher Self-Sabotage Patterns.
How is this different from the relationship anxiety quiz?
The relationship anxiety quiz screens worry, reassurance seeking, and jealousy scan patterns with an anxiety frame. This self-sabotage quiz focuses on active habits that can push partners away: going cold after bonding, loyalty tests, breakup threats, and proof-seeking loops. It uses a partner-behavior frequency frame rather than broad trait agreement items.
Can this quiz tell me to break up?
No. The relationship self-sabotage index describes self-reported habits on this abbreviated screener. It cannot predict breakup, label your partner as safe or unsafe, or replace honest dialogue. Only you and a licensed clinician can weigh whether patterns are situational, protective, or worth treating in therapy.
What should I do if I get a higher self-sabotage band?
Consider scheduling an evaluation with a licensed therapist who treats couples or attachment concerns. Bring your result summary and describe which domain feels hardest. If you feel unsafe or in crisis, call or text 988 (US) or your local crisis line.
Who reviewed this content?
Dr. Priya Sharma, PhD, reviewed the test framing and result explanations. See our editorial policy for review standards.
Reviewed by
