What this was my ex a narcissist quiz measures
This was my ex a narcissist quiz estimates how often narcissistic pattern signals show up when you look back on a past relationship. Twenty-two original frequency items group into four domains drawn from idealize-devalue cycle research, DARVO and blame-shifting education, hoovering after no contact, and selective empathy patterns: idealize-devalue, blame shift, hoovering, and empathy inconsistency. Your post-relationship pattern index averages these signals into a 0 to 100 score with plain-language bands. It reflects how you remember your ex, not a clinical label or proof of abuse.
Idealize-devalue
Pedestal praise early on, sudden criticism, and feeling discarded when you stopped meeting their image.
Blame shift
Making you the problem, rewriting who caused harm, and refusing accountability after hurtful episodes.
Hoovering
Breadcrumb texts, sudden warmth after silence, and promises to change that faded once you responded.
Empathy inconsistency
Warmth when they wanted access, cold dismissal when you needed support, and kindness tied to their goals.
How it works
Three steps from first question to your post-relationship pattern report. Click Start Quiz to open the interactive quiz in a full-screen modal.
Answer 22 frequency items
Rate how often each pattern showed up when you look back on your ex, from Never to Almost always. You click Next after each answer; nothing auto-advances.
Items map to four pattern domains
Your answers accumulate percentages for idealize-devalue, blame shift, hoovering, and empathy inconsistency, plus an overall post-relationship pattern index.
View band and domain bars
Results show Lower, Mixed, or Higher Post-Relationship Pattern Concern with domain bars and reflection prompts. Higher bands include crisis resources.
Take the was my ex a narcissist quiz
Rate 22 statements about pattern signals you remember from your ex after the relationship ended. Your answers produce a post-relationship pattern index from 0 to 100, four domain scores, and a band label for reflection or therapy conversation.
Opens in a focused modal. No account required. Results stay on screen.
What your result means
Your post-relationship pattern index is the normalized total across all 22 items on a 0 to 100 scale, with reverse scoring on respect and empathy items so higher scores mean more pattern signals overall. Domain bars show endorsement rates so you can see whether idealize-devalue, blame shift, hoovering, or empathy inconsistency drives your result most.
| Band | Index range | Typical reading |
|---|---|---|
| Lower Post-Relationship Pattern Concern | 0 to 35 | Fewer pattern signals in hindsight; mutual breakup pain may still feel sharp |
| Mixed Post-Relationship Pattern Signals | 36 to 65 | Blend of ordinary grief and pattern signals; worth naming if hoovering continues |
| Higher Post-Relationship Pattern Concern | 66 to 100 | Frequent idealize-devalue, blame shift, hoovering, or empathy inconsistency; support may help |
What your ex narcissist quiz report looks like
After all 22 items, you get a post-relationship pattern index from 0 to 100, a band label, and four domain bars for idealize-devalue, blame shift, hoovering, and empathy inconsistency. Percentages reflect pattern signals you remember, not a clinical verdict about narcissistic personality disorder.
What this quiz can and cannot tell you
Can tell you
- How often narcissistic pattern signals showed up in your memories of this ex
- A post-relationship pattern index and four domain bars for idealize-devalue, blame shift, hoovering, and empathy inconsistency
- Which domain pattern feels strongest when you look back on the relationship
- A starting point for therapy conversation, no-contact planning, or retaking after more distance
Cannot tell you
- Whether your ex has narcissistic personality disorder or any clinical diagnosis
- Whether your ex was abusive without your own judgment and professional support
- Whether you should respond to hoovering contact without a safety plan
- What legal action or treatment you need without licensed professional guidance
Idealize-devalue cycles, hoovering, and post-breakup clarity
Relationship researchers describe idealize-devalue-discard cycles in which intense early praise gives way to criticism and withdrawal once commitment deepens. Psychologist Jennifer Freyd's work on DARVO (deny, attack, reverse victim and offender) explains how blame-shifting can leave ex-partners feeling responsible for harm they did not cause. Trauma-informed advocates such as the National Domestic Violence Hotline document hoovering as breadcrumb contact that reopens wounds after no contact. Clinical psychologist Ramani Durvasula and the American Psychological Association note that empathy can appear selectively when a partner wants access, then vanish when support is needed.
The Quiz Hub built this was my ex a narcissist quiz as an original retrospective screener inspired by those themes, not a reproduction of the Narcissistic Personality Inventory or any single published instrument. Readers often compare it to sibling tools on this site. Our am I dealing with a narcissist quiz screens gaslighting, entitlement, empathy gaps, and control in someone close to you now. The narcissistic abuse quiz maps coercion tactics with an IPV frame. The fear of intimacy quiz measures your own closeness avoidance rather than ex behavior frequency.
| The Quiz Hub test | What it adds |
|---|---|
| Am I dealing with a narcissist quiz | Current partner gaslighting and entitlement frequency, not post-breakup hoovering items |
| Narcissistic abuse quiz | Coercion index with isolation domains, not idealize-devalue retrospective items |
| Love-bombing quiz | Early intensity and future faking, not blame shift or hoovering after separation |
| Fear of intimacy quiz | Your vulnerability avoidance habits, not ex empathy inconsistency frequency |
| Situationship quiz | Label clarity and commitment ambiguity, not post-relationship pattern scoring |
| This ex narcissist quiz | Four-domain post-relationship pattern index for idealize-devalue, blame shift, hoovering, and empathy inconsistency |
Sample item types include frequency ratings such as whether your ex reached out with vague nostalgia after you asked for space, or whether they flipped arguments so your reaction became the real problem. High idealize-devalue with high hoovering often lands in Mixed or Higher Post-Relationship Pattern Concern. Grief, anger, and social media triggers can also raise scores temporarily without narcissistic personality disorder. Read how we review quizzes in our editorial policy or browse more tools on our relationships and dating hub.
Was my ex a narcissist quiz FAQ
Can an online quiz tell if my ex was a narcissist?
No online quiz can diagnose narcissistic personality disorder or prove your ex was a narcissist. Clinical personality disorders require structured evaluation by a licensed clinician. This was my ex a narcissist quiz measures how often post-breakup pattern signals such as idealize-devalue cycles, blame-shifting, hoovering, and empathy inconsistency show up in your memories. It is a self-reflection screener, not a label for your ex.
What does this was my ex a narcissist quiz measure?
Twenty-two original frequency items ask how often you noticed idealize-devalue swings, blame-shifting, hoovering after separation, and hot-cold empathy when you look back on your relationship with your ex. Scores map to four domains inspired by narcissism trait research and trauma-informed breakup education. You receive a post-relationship pattern index from 0 to 100 and a band from Lower through Higher Post-Relationship Pattern Concern.
How is this different from the am I dealing with a narcissist quiz?
The am I dealing with a narcissist quiz screens gaslighting, entitlement, empathy gaps, and control tactics in someone close to you now. This was my ex a narcissist quiz uses a retrospective frame about your ex after the relationship ended, with domains for idealize-devalue, blame shift, hoovering, and empathy inconsistency rather than ongoing control monitoring.
What is hoovering after a breakup?
Hoovering refers to breadcrumb contact, sudden warmth, or promises to change that pull you back toward an ex after you tried to create distance. It can reopen old wounds even when you know the relationship ended. This quiz includes hoovering items because post-breakup reach-outs are a common reason people search whether an ex showed narcissistic patterns.
What should I do if I get a higher post-relationship pattern band?
Consider contacting the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 or thehotline.org for confidential support and safety planning. A licensed therapist who understands coercive control can help you process memories without re-engaging harmful dynamics. If you feel unsafe or in crisis, call or text 988 (US) or your local crisis line.
Who reviewed this content?
Dr. Elena Vasquez, PhD, reviewed the test framing and result explanations. See our editorial policy for review standards.
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